Thursday, November 4
the worst is over. why do i say lit was the worst? because it's so uncertain. that's the thing about english and humanities. you never know if its gonna be a1 or f9 or just plain b3. sighh. i'm pretty sure i won't get a1 for combined humanities anyway. ss is the bane of my existence! bahhh. if i get a1, which will happen when the moon fairy comes to visit, i'll treat y'all to marche. serious. i'm that certain. and i'll be that happy. amath tmr.. just woke up from my nap.. after talking on the phone for 1 1/2 hours.. sighh. gotta revise. i want an a1 for amath too! how come i want an a1 for everything? being me, if i have to get something i want an a1 or nothing at all. no point right, getting anything but a1. just look at my prelims. neither here nor there. brain tired. i use my brain for lit. it hurts my brain to think. and it started to rain. i didn't realise what i heard was the pattering of raindrops til i looked up and saw the storm. got wet trying to go home, naturally. chris and i put on our jackets and ran laughing through the rain to the bus stop.. or at least what we assumed was the bus stop.. you know how you dash through the gate and only stop when you reach the shelter of the bus stop? well this time we dashed through the gate and only stopped when we reached where the shelter of the bus stop
used to be. then we stared at each other, went 'ehh the bus stop's not here anymore' then dashed to the
real bus stop far far away. hahaha. drenched.
not sure about humanities anymore. i realise i walk out of the room cursing myself all the time. i mean i feel stupid after math and science, listening to y'all discuss the answers. but with humanities there's so much uncertainty. i'm not sure i can live with that. i need to know how to feel. i don't want to be left dangling for months. i need to know what to expect. i don't like see-saw-ing up and down and round and round wondering and pondering and having nightmares about terrible essays. maybe i'll give up that side of me. pursue science instead. i mean it's there, it's in your face, wrong means wrong, right means right, no arguing. lit showed me a lot about how things are. forced me to look at myself. but i really don't like doing the exams. not under exam conditions. i don't mind writing the essays.. if you don't pressurise me til i don't know what i'm writing and i can't even think. i'd say the same for ss only i don't like doing ss, period. now it's over i can say that. i don't like ss. i never liked ss. i have always detested ss. thank the heavens i will never do ss again! may i not retain!
it must've been love.
7:22 pm
xoxo
